Every family has a house they grew up in, and in this digital generation, that house sits inside a smartphone that is always active, noisy, and one “Good morning” broadcast away from chaos. The family group chat has become the most democratic institution in Africa, where it feels as if everybody is equal, everyone is present, and also guilty of typing “Amen” without first reading any post. Yet, beneath all the emojis, religious flyers, and political audios lies a whole ecosystem of characters.
The first group are the Broadcaster-in-Chief. The sender of 97% of all the posts. Their mission is simple: to make sure that all the group members never run out of forwarded messages. Their toolkit includes: posting Inspirational quotes with an unidentified author, a Morning devotion audio (7 minutes), and a political conspiracy theory that begins with “Share until it reaches the President.” Plus a photo of something nobody asked for. They are immune to being muted. Even if you mute them, they will still try to reach you. And you don’t need an ancestry graph to figure out what they're doing, Just scroll up.
The second group are the noiseless minister of information and abidance.
They never comment or contribute to anything happening in the group, but they are aware of everything going on in the family before anyone else. Such a person is the bystander, the digital CCTV, the quiet reader who logs in 12 times per day, and gives nothing back except “Seen” or “noted.” If you ever want to know who reads all the group messages and watches all their posts and doesn't reply, it is mostly them.
The third group is a combination of two categories of individuals who are operating in opposite directions until the one with negative energy is totally overpowered and sent packing from the group chat for peace and sanity to be restored. These two classifications are the evil eyes that watch, and the prayer warrior-in-residence. Whether we believe it or not, it is no secret that most families have people who fall into either of these categories. It is sad but true and this is the reality of relatives.
All family group chat have their usual personalities like the entrepreneurs, the broadcaster-in-chief, comedians, diplomats, and then the ones nobody talks about openly: the quiet haters, jealous watchers, and the ones who never compliment but never miss an update. In the same space where we see good morning stickers fly around, another type of energy hides behind emojis like envy, unforgiveness, hate, and bitterness. Some members of the family group chat unfortunately want to celebrate your setbacks silently.
They believed you would never rise again, and felt that your battles were endless. So your comeback now feels like a mockery of their unfavourable predictions. They constantly watch your improvement like investigators, hoping for cracks, failure, and proof that your success is accidental. But what they forget is that in the same chat where the hateful eyes monitor your steps, there is always a prayer warrior-in-residence; the one who sees through every shadow around.
While jealousy is calculating your downfall, this warrior is calling your name during morning devotion. As bitterness sends silent arrows, they are firing “Back to Sender” without blinking. As some people in the group cannot stand your rising, the warrior is raising altars on your behalf daily. And when God decides to strengthen your rising, no envious heart can suppress your destiny. Let them whisper and refresh your profile every hour. Your divine healing is the message, their surprise is the reaction, and God’s protection is the final delivery.
When all these temperaments collide, and a simple question like who will be hosting this year's family meeting is asked in the group chat, it can evolve into a 72-hour festival of nonessential debates, confrontation, accusations, unhealthy jokes, prayers, forwarded videos, politics, confusion, apologies, voice notes, and emotional blackmail. At my age, I can tell you that the family group chat is not just a digital room, it is the modern village square where family bonds are frequently bruised and corrected, where laughter is free therapy, where all generations meet without travelling, and where thanks hides inside disputes.
The family group chat is the last surviving proof that no matter how scattered life becomes, most family always finds a way to gather. Even if the meeting is on WhatsApp.
Occasionally, something beautiful still happens amid all the chaos; and beneath the noise, a messy, loud, but unfiltered love can still exist.
✍🏽 William Z. Bozimo
Veteran Journalist | Columnist | National Memory Keeper
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